Day 1... 112.2 // 247.35866

Hello world (HELLO RINA!),

this is my life, one of the chapters thereof. I have gained a lot of weight in the past 16 years. I don't want to go into what caused all this, but let's just put it as is: I now reached a point where I love myself enough to be honestly scared of losing my health / life if I carry on living this way. I don't really think a lot about how others would perceive me now, but I want to be able to enjoy some things I used to enjoy when I was at a healthier weight for my body size / type. I don't mean to say everybody has to follow my example now, either, but I want some place to share what is going on in my mind... I know that a lot of people suffer from eating disorders, and honestly, so do I. But my current weight, caused by a lot of binge eating and also not dealing with my emotions all to well, is alarmingly high; I have to change something about this.

I don't really know the ultimate end goal, either. I think it is somewhere around 60 kilos (maybe a little less than that), as this is the "normal" weight for my size, and I remember before it all went downhill, I was around this weight. My method, if there really IS any, is to do intermittent fasting, the 16:8 type. I want to move more, too. I know a lot of good training sessions on Youtube, and I have some DVDs at home for the sake of doing sports. I already go for walks with my dog, but of course, I also want to do something else... I thought about dancing / aerobics, yoga, or calisthenics... Ultimately, I want to be able to go horseback riding again :). And maybe join a MA club, who knows?

As today was my first day living with 16:8, it was a little weird to remind myself all the time, "The hunger will not kill you. Hold on for just a little longer...", but I managed to do so. I also really noticed that the cravings went away after about thirty minutes (didn't check the clock, but in the morning, I was scared I couldn't do that.)... But I did! I am so proud of myself. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but for me it is already the first small victory.

I will take my measurements very soon, as I also want to start sewing for myself. And this way, I can do it all with more purpose. I can, in many cases, still alter the clothes I make to fit me even after losing the weight, or so I think. Please correct me if I am wrong. Right now my clothing size is a size 52 (women's) in German, which corresponds to a size 22 (USA) and a size 26 (UK). I *used* to wear a size 38 / 40 (German) before the painful gain started. I know back then, it was not really the best size to wear, but I felt comfy there. So that's a lot of sizes to drop. But I know it is possible.

I don't know what else to tell you right now. But that's probably enough already. I feel like also, it is easier for me to blog in English than in German for some odd reason I cannot really pinpoint.

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CURRENT MOOD: excited!
CURRENT MUSIC: Siouxsie And The Banshees - "Spellbound"